It somehow all came down to being told, “I like platforms,
ya know”.
But it came on the heels of being told I look better as a
blonde and then flat out asked when I was going to return to being blonde. Told I was losing too much weight and then
asked in front of co-workers if I was smoking meth because I was getting “too
skinny”.
“I like when you wear your hair curled like that.”
“Woo, looking sexy today.”
After a discussion about my height and how I should wear
platform heels because that’s what he likes and it would make me look taller, I
realized I had begun to avoid running into him in the hall. Every conversation had become an excuse to
hug me or rub my shoulders and make some sort of comment on my appearance.
Why do I have to live like this?
Why do men feel entitled to put their hands on me without my
permission?
Why do I have to constantly be placed in the position of
grinning and bearing it so that I can keep feeding my kids?
I have seen what happens to the girls who report it. I have been watching this go on and on and on
for my entire adult life. Watching how the
world is run and how you’re treated when you have two X chromosomes.
Yesterday, I wore a trumpet skirt and a nice red top. I did my makeup and wore sparkly flats. I dressed for myself. I have been battling a lot of depression, and
I wanted to feel beautiful. And I did.
I did until that conversation, that hug, the leering way I
was looked up and down. Then I felt
dirty and ashamed and couldn’t wait to go home and put on my baggiest sweats
and t-shirt.
I’m so very tired of being placed in a position to be made
feel uncomfortable but knowing there are dire repercussions for speaking out
and standing up for myself.
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