Give thanks

My best friend did this on her blog, and I loved it, so I'm stealing it. Things I'm thankful for besides family, friends, house, car, etc.

1. When I leave the house late but the traffic gods are smiling on me, and I make it to work on time anyway

2. When I don't have time to eat breakfast and someone brings in food to work

3. Dresses. Dresses are so good for my body type

4. When there is a sale and there is actually stuff in my size

5. Cable at 3 am

6. Close parking spaces at Wal-Mart and the mall. Bonus thanks if it's a holiday or I am pregnant.

7. When it's girls' night and there's great music playing at the bar

8. When people buy me diapers or formula

9. Supernanny

10. Internet on my phone

11. Funny people. They make life so much better

12. On that note, every joke Katt Williams has ever written

13. Everytime I make it to work and back to my side of town with my low fuel light on (gas is cheaper over here, and I almost always am running late)

14. When people tell me my writing is good

15. When I get in the habit of going to the gym

16. When I get a pedicure and remembered to shave my legs that day

17. When my mom and I go to lunch and she orders dessert for us to split

18. When I have no idea what to do and Michael calls his mom and she knows exactly what to do

19. When people invite me for dinner on nights when I don't want to cook

20. All the superstitious people who show up and do superstitious things every Sunday for the Cowboys games!

Shenanigans

Last night I drank a beer out of a plastic skull mug and danced to Randi singing karaoke and threw up on my dog. It's been a very long time since I acted like a 21 year old kid because I fully believe in sucking it up and staying home once you have kids of your own (and I was pregnant for a million months before that). However, my husband fully believes that if you completely give up who you were before you had kids you'll go nuts. So, he encouraged me to let loose, and he took care of our son all night long so that I could stain the patio red with vomit. I have no regrets.

Blimps abound

While I was trying to coax Silas to sleep at two this morning, I was watching Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders 4. It's a show about the selection process (boot camp) of the Cowboys cheerleaders.

All the women are beautiful and not just thin but truly physically fit.

After one of the practices, the coaches (are they coaches? Judgmental demon women?) called back one of the girls for a bit of criticism. Most of the criticism is in reference to the girls' dance technique. However, this particular girl (blond hair and six pack abs with no cellulite in sight) was informed that if she wasn't careful, she might look "chunky" because she weighs 123, and the other girls weigh 112.

It put my friend's comment in perspective. I guess if the 123 lb girl who has given up pizza and chocolate didn't leave and slit her wrists after being called chunky, I should suck it up and get on a treadmill.

The Goodyear Blimp

Remember a few weeks ago when I was all full of confidence and self esteem? I believe I described myself as feeling "gorgeous."

This afternoon, a friend was trying to convey how fat this girl she had encountered was, and described her thusly: "She was big. I mean, she was bigger than YOU."

My God, I thought, call Goodyear. One of their blimps MUST be missing if there is a body out there floating around that's bigger than me.

Apparently my "you just had a baby" pass is up, and I better keep driving the next time I pass a Chick-fil-a.

You ARE the Father

I have tried to refrain from watching a bunch of junk TV while I have been off. Frankly, it's impossible. The temptation is just too strong.

What blows my mind is that people still go on shows like Maury. Who gets the news that their significant other wants to go on Maury and actually thinks it's a good idea to get on the plane? Boarding a plane is an involved process. Plenty of time to come to your senses and run screaming home.

You have to know that you have either been cuckolded (thank you Dr. Knudson for that vocabulary word) or you are going to have to take a parternity test. Shouldn't you just call your lawyer immediately and skip the public embarrassment?

It's not just the people being blindsided who confuse me. It's the people who pick up the phone and call to book the appearance.

What self-help book have these people failed to read that they think it's a good idea to drag someone on TV and say, "I cheated on you and little Henry may not be yours"? Talk about salt in the wound.

I guess I should stop being confused and remember that it sure does help pass the time between bottles and diapers.

My Silver Lining

My son is gorgeous, and I love him beyond words. However, he almost never sleeps between the hours of 11 pm and 4 am. So, sometimes my love does not translate to like (sometimes it's oh my God, what have I done, and why does Jesus hate me?!)

BUT today I found my silver lining when a lady with an enormous double stroller rolled into the pediatrician's office (i.e. she has twins). It then dawned on me that my life could be twice as exhausting, and that at least Jesus loves me more than he loves her. So, there's my silver lining.

So, this is being a grown up?

I have never felt like an adult. I still watch cartoons and play video games. Sometimes (read: ten minutes ago) I ruin my dinner with cupcakes. It took a substantial weight gain to stop me shopping in the juniors section. So, you see my point.

However, I have a baby now, and I figure one of us has to be a grown up. So, I've been taking steps (um, well step).

Step 1. Watch the news.

Growing up, I remember my grandmother watching the news at every broadcast. At the time I found it to be the most boring, grown up thing in the world. Therefore, that has been step one in making Michelle an adult.

Other people seem very impressed. When I contributed to a conversation about something going on in the news instead of saying, "you know I don't watch the news," Emma nearly fell off her chair, and my chest puffed all up with pride.

I'll let you know when I figure out step two.