My people

So, Silas is rid of the ear infection but now has a head to toe rash and a virus.  There was no fever when he woke up, so I'm hopeful he's past the scary stuff.

My bank account is just totally wiped out.  Worse than usual.  Beyond broke on payday kind of bad.  

BUT this is not a woe-is-me post.  Because my people?  My people are amazing.  

My husband is a hive of activity, helpful suggestions, moral support and hand holding

My mom is a wealth of love, support and mom advice

My father-in-law is putting a temporary roof over my head

My mother-in-law is spending her two days off helping us move

My babysitter/friend, Candice, is taking amazing care of Silas while I work

My friends are keeping me laughing and reminding me I'm loved

My co-workers and bosses are picking up my slack and offering me encouragement

My little boy is giving me a continuous reason to smile.

My people remind me that I have too much good in my life to wallow in self-pity.  My people remind me that I should be celebrating my victories and holding my head up high in thanks for my blessings.

My hope, my wish, my dream is to pay it forward and pay it back.  I hope to be as good to you all as you all are to me.  You're all wonderful, and I thank God for knowing just the right combination of people to bring into my life.

Happy Friday, and I hope all of you who are reading this have an amazing weekend with your people because I suspect God gave you the perfect combination too.

My world this week

Honestly, I don't have time to write this, what with being two days behind at work and all, but this blog is my outlet, and my blood pressure is apparently high, so I need to work my outlet.

My week in summary:

• Very sick, 104 degree temp having son - ear infection - cautiously stating it's finally under control
• Two days of work missed
• iPhone? broken (so, if you're calling and texting and Facebooking me - I don't know your number anymore and can hardly check Facebook - don't take my lack of response personally, please)
• Laptop? broken
• iPhone and Laptop?  Only two places I have approx 3000 photos/videos of my son stored
• Homeless? no longer - although the vast majority of my belongings are still lingering in my soon-to-be-vacant apartment
• Health screening at work?  Obese.  High Cholesterol.  High blood pressure.

Also, I now live with someone who watches the news, so I saw that Alabama, Arkansas (my home) and Tennessee have been devastated by tornadoes and also that several people have been murdered in the DFW Metroplex recently (literally, the entire broadcast was about death and identity theft on the PS Network [did I mention we're on the PS Network?].  There was not one uplifting story about a squirrel water skiing).

Crying.  I've done a lot of crying this week.  Like, on my bosses (multiple) voice mails and to a hateful pediatric nurse and to the lady who had the unfortunate task of being my "health coach" after my biometric screening and to my mom and husband and friends and basically anyone who will listen.

So, I've been feeling sorry for myself, but I know I am blessed to have a place to lay my head tonight and a son who is returning to his healthy self.   I'm ridiculous for mourning the loss of my pictures when others have lost their homes and loved ones.  My heart truly goes out to them.

If you see me crying again, really, just slap me because I'm no longer allowed to be throwing myself a pity party, but I'm (obviously) not particularly disciplined and will probably keep trying anyway.

Hope you are all doing okay out there and that the tornadoes did not get anywhere near any of you.

Good Friday

From the bottom of my heart, I thank Him

Cats

Cats induce a great deal of itching and wheezing and inability to breathe due to snot for me, so we don't have cats.  Therefore, Silas has never been around cats.  We have two dogs, so I figured if he ever ran into a cat, he'd react in pretty much the same way.  I was wrong.

Randi has a kitten.  We decided to have dinner and let the kids play last night.  So, I took a Claritan, and we loaded up and went to Randi's. 

We hadn't been there fifteen minutes when Silas came stumbling up to me crying so hard I had to blow in his face to make him breathe again.  I inspected him for claw marks, bumps, bruises - any sign of injury.  There was none.  So, I calmed him down and he sat in my lap.

Slowly, as the night wore on, I began to realize he was terrified of the kitten.  It's a kitten, so it's playful and has kind of sharp claws.  So, it would zip around and run past Silas, and he would have a full-on, panic attack, melt down and climb up me and wrap himself around my neck, and I'd have to pat his back and speak in soothing tones and kiss his little cheeks (ok - he probably preferred me not to kiss his cheeks, but I can't help it) until he returned to normal.

I think I lost some of my mommy credibility with him on this issue because I kept trying to tell him, "it's just a cat, it won't hurt you," and then it would run at him full speed and act like it was going to jump at him and claw his face off (but really it just wanted to play) and he would melt down all over again and give me a look like, "you're a liar and that thing wants to kill me."

Hopefully he'll never overcome this fear.  I know that's mean, but I am way too lazy to take a pill every day because my kid begs me for a cat, but it's nearly impossible for me to tell him he can't have something.  

Silas: "Cracker? Please. O-kay!"  or "Outside? Please. O-kay!" or "Toy?  Please. O-kay!"  You see where this is going?  

If he liked cats, we might one day have a conversation like this: "Cat?  Please. O-kay!" and then I'd have to buy him a cat and take pills and I'd inevitably forget to take my pills and Silas would be all, "it's just a cat, it won't hurt you" and I'd be all, "you're a liar and that thing wants to kill me," and he'd probably just feel vindicated instead of patting my back and speaking to me in soothing tones.

Cardboard box?

Because I'm not being a total slacker at work, I'm being a total slacker on my blog.  (More grown up behavior!)

Wanna know what's keeping me up at night these days?  

.

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.

.

.

.

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I have to be out of my apartment in 10 days and have absolutely no place to move. 

It's not that I'm such a procrastinator that I have avoided looking for a place to move so much as I have a place to move that won't be ready for a couple of months and my apartment complex will not allow us to month-to-month it while other people close on their houses and have time to move out of our next abode and such.

So, I've tasked Michael with handling this situation.  I'm pretty sure he is totally avoiding it, which is obviously sending my nagginess into overdrive, which means tasking him to handle it was completely pointless because I won't release my death grip on the situation and just let him be.

Don't worry, we know lots of people, and most of them don't want to see us homeless, so I'm sure it will all work out in the end.  (Isn't it cute how I'm pretending not to be in an absolute panic right now?)

Trauma, Trauma

My little Silas just got 4 stitches.  I was trapped at work and couldn't get to him.  Michael had to watch them strap him down and stitch him up. 

The wind blew a door shut on Si's hand and cut open his thumb.  

When Candice called to tell me what was going on, I heard Silas in the background.  It was the most gut-wrenching thing I've ever heard.

Today, I hate being a working mom and resent the fact that I can't stay home with him and be there every time he needs to be held and loved and reassured.  I feel horrible that I could not be there for him and Michael - who endured watching Silas in agony with no hand to hold and while fielding my frantic IM's and trying to keep me calm.  His life was never in danger, but he was hurting, and if you have children, you know that you would endure every pain for them in an instant to keep them from ever hurting.

The bottom line is that Silas is okay.  The worst of it is over.  He had Michael and Candice with him and I prayed down the Holy Spirit to comfort him - pretty sure that prayer was granted and did more good than my panic-stricken self ever could have anyway.

Michael said Si keeps saying "fixed it".  So, I guess all is right in his little world even if Daddy and Mommy are still shaken.

New life goal - come into loads of money, quit working, never leave Silas' side again.  

Internet Hugs

I am not trying to be cute or funny or flippant when I say this, but there are clearly people in this world who are not getting enough hugs.   I love this song, and I hope you take the 30 seconds to read the lyrics and please know that SOMEONE FEELS THIS WAY ABOUT YOU.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Big, big hugs to all of you who read this blog.

Pink, F***** Perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You are perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect to me!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me