Geez

Have you ever been curious as to where your parents' and grandparents' generations got some of their crazy expressions?  Well, I've solved the mystery...

They made them up trying to keep you from running around town sounding like you just walked off a Navy ship and into a bar.  

Why do I know that?  Because yesterday, I received the most "Holy sh--!" worthy news I've received in a long time, and I found myself texting the word "Geez" in response.  Silas does not yet know how to read...and even if he did, the baby is so not allowed to play with the  iPhone since I had to part with it for 2 weeks and will never. live. that. nightmare. again.  So, hello?  Why am I texting like Opie Taylor? 

So, back to your parents.  They thought they were just cleaning up their mouths in front of you, but then they just got tired and gave up.  At some point, it becomes exhausting to be your pre-baby self in some settings and your post-baby self in other settings.  So, you just say "to heck with it, I'm toddler mommy 24/7" and when you smash your thumb with a hammer, you say, "sugar."  You don't even yell it.  You just say it with knit eyebrows and a frown and a slight growl in your voice.  Because you're defeated.

Now, go apologize to your mother for telling her she was embarrassing you when you were 14 because I'm certain this goes way beyond language and that everything your parents did to embarrass you is your fault entirely.  Just like everything you're going to do to embarrass your little angel is going to be his/her fault entirely...and then your grandchildren will come along and exact revenge for you.  It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Survivors

You know those days when you suppose you are the worst parent in the world because you feel like you've been hit by a Mack truck and you are desperate for it to be your child's bedtime so that you can just lay on the couch and watch terrible movies and feel sorry for yourself?  Mmm hmm.  That would be yesterday.  

Luckily,  my child has fantastic intuition and decided he was in the mood to play sweetly by himself and wasn't trying to put screwdrivers in light sockets or climb on top of the refrigerator or drop a toaster in the bathtub or ride his big wheel into traffic. He totally sensed that I did not have the energy to chase him around and keep him alive.  So, he played barnyard and ate his dinner and kept the bed time tantrums to a minimum.

This morning he demanded to snuggle me before he got dressed and informed me that I was handsome.  Thank you, little prince of a child, for easing some of that ever-present guilt by loving me despite the fact that I was not able to be super mommy (or even mediocre mommy) yesterday because if you had been in one of your moods and bitten me or dropped "f" bombs for twenty minutes or refused to be in or out of the bathtub at the same time or threw yourself in the floor demanding Fruit Loops or beaten me to a bloody pulp while I tried to put your pajamas on, we might not have made it through the evening.

I channel days like the last two when you're in one of your moods and acting like a heathen and testing my patience and making my eye twitch with stress so that I remain calm enough not jump out the window.  So, thank you for having them.

I think we're going to survive each other yet, son.

Mommy blog link

One of my favorite people (Emma) shared a link with me that is my new obsession.  Maybe you know about it already (but you better not if you're not Emma because you should already know about sharing at this juncture in your life and you didn't freaking share), but if not, please prepare yourself to lose the rest of your afternoon and to have sore abs tomorrow from laughing so hard. 

These ladies make my blog obsolete.  They say it all but so much funnier than I ever could.  

I'm linking you to their post "is this the right blog for you?" so that you have a feel for whether or not you're going to love it (and if you don't love it you probably hate my blog too...so I'm curious as to why you're here.)  I then suggest you go to their link for "our favorite rants (updated)" and check out the "If you're new to mommyland" posts to get acquainted with them.

http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/p/is-this-right-blog-for-you.html

You're welcome in advance.

I'm older today

At 6:59 a.m., I was very much feeling like this turning 29 on Friday the 13th business was not going to go well.  You know because my son had been screaming - to quote American Idol "at the top of his register" - for 45 minutes and Michael had left to go to his first day at his new job approx 3 minutes into the tantrum.  So, I was wracking my very sleepy brain for WTF to do to get him to STOP IT NOW!  

Pretty much the second the clock rolled over to 7 a.m. (which is apparently a reasonable time to be awake in Silas' world, but absolutely not a minute sooner) he turned into chill, sweet-chubby-cheek-smile-wearing Silas and scooted up next to me to chat about the things we usually chat about (Word World, Daddy, the Goggies [doggies], milk, etc.).  So, nerves fried, but crisis averted.

I've been seriously spoiled since then (and last night too - new iPhone - holla!  and last Sunday too, and well, I'm spoiled a lot).  I told you my people are awesome.  Thank you all so much for making me feel so very special and loved today!  

If you want to give me a present, click the link below and vote for this family to win this contest!  I'm not going to put you in their business, but I wouldn't be asking you to vote if they did not truly deserve to win.  So, please vote every day through the 15th!

https://apps.facebook.com/moms_rock/entry/168234?=f2797z

I'm asking for a favor

Remember when I wrote this?  Yeah, well, this is an absolute exception to that post, and I don't do many exceptions.  This is important, and you've obviously got time on your hands because you're taking the time to read my ramblings.  

Click the link and do something good for people who deserve a nice break.  It won't take long.  Do it. Now. (And please email me if the link below isn't working or taking you some place crazy because it is important that it works.)  You may not know them, but you probably know me, and I'm telling you they deserve to win this contest.  So, just take my word for it.

https://apps.facebook.com/moms_rock/entry/168234?=f2797z

Thanks!  Really, thank you!

Where my journey to being a grown-up started

Mostly I talk about things that are happening to me right now on this blog.  So, I don't mention my family at home in Arkansas much because I don't make it home much (like they've all seen Silas approximately two times each - I've been broke since time began - no judging).  

However, you should know that my dad, Michael (oh and he and my husband could not possibly be more alike if they tried); step-mother, Ann (I do so loathe the term step-anything.  I'm a step-mother myself, and I just don't like the term.  There has to be something better); and grandmother, Mary are a huge part of why I'm a (semi) well-adjusted, (semi) successful, (semi) grown-up.

I tried valiantly to be a failure by skipping what seems like a semester of high school, but my family intervened and I managed to graduate with honors and get a scholarship to college and everything.  I owe that to my parents for loving me enough to save me from myself.  

Ann made sure that I was able to cheer (most expensive sport [do not try to have that argument with me, it's a freaking sport] ever), sent me to private school, threw me birthday parties, helped me plan my wedding (and paid for it almost entirely), was at both my graduations, helped me color my hair, bought my school clothes, took me to movies, made my dinner every night, taught me to drive, took me to church, paid for my first semester of college before my scholarship funds arrived, had come-to-Jesus meetings with me when I was doing my dead-level best to throw my life away and was just, generally always there for me.  It's not a fairy-tale, and we had about a thousand arguments too, but I know she has always loved me and done her best to take care of me even when I didn't always make it easy. I hope she knows that I love her too.

My father has always been supportive of me.  He tells me how much he loves me and how proud he is of me almost every time we speak.  We aren't the closest father and daughter on the planet, but I've never doubted his love for me, and I hope he knows I've always loved him too.

My grandmother.  I don't even know where to start.  She is my rock.  She has buoyed me emotionally, spiritually and financially since as long as I can remember.  Some of my fondest memories are the weeks I spent with her during the summers and the Christmas Eve dinners I had at her house every year without fail until I moved to Texas.  I miss her so very, very much, and I don't know how I would have ever made it this far in my life without her.

They were all three there for every major event in my life growing up.  They did all that was in their power to make sure I had all my needs met, even when that meant sacrificing things they wanted or needed for themselves.  

I have not forgotten where I came from, and since this blog is my journal about my quest to become a grown-up, I think it's appropriate to give a shout out to the people who set me on the path.  Thank you to my dad, Ann, and my grandmother for loving me, taking care of me and providing me with the support I needed to be a (semi) well-adjusted, (semi) successful, (semi) grown-up.

My PSA for my male readers

Men - if you're super awesome about helping with housework or live alone, please feel free to ignore this and feel superior to all other men.  

For the rest (majority) of you, I just wanted to give you a little PSA and inform you that the dishwasher, washing machine and vacuum do not require a pass code for use.  There's not a secret pin number we're keeping from you.  So, do feel free to use them anytime you want.

By that, I do not mean, wash one shirt and one pair of pants for you to wear the following day.  I mean - do an entire load of laundry.  And don't shrink your wife's favorite shirt on purpose so that you never have to do laundry again because she's hip to you, and she will retaliate in some form or fashion (like yesterday when Michael was cleaning up a ladder rack and he couldn't hold it up and reach the bottle of cleaner at the same time, and I just stood there and laughed at him instead of helping - that was retaliation for saying "can you do the dishes tomorrow when you're feeling better?" instead of just doing them because I felt crappy). 

Do you know how many brownie points you get for doing housework without us nagging you to do it?  I literally do not think I can count that high.  We're talking enough brownie points for a guys weekend.  Like, a three-day weekend even.  Like The Hangover style.  With zero bitching from us.  

So, it's a win-win.  I'm just trying to help you out here.  Odds are your significant other is about 1000 times nicer than Michael's, so there is no telling the brownie points you'll earn if you just do the damn dishes without anyone ever having to raise their voice and make you do it.  I'm just saying.