A letter to Silas

Dear Silas,

Could you kindly stop beating on the bathroom door and crying pitifully when mommy goes in there and closes the door?  It's not like I've fallen into Narnia just because there is a door separating us.  It's not a secret portal.  I haven't escaped.  And I always make sure that there is another adult to terrorize lest you try to burn the house down or do cartwheels off the couch.  So, you can totally continue to do toddler things while I take a five minute shower.  I'm not even going to shave my legs.  Honest.

Also, seeing as you didn't start sleeping through the night until you were nine months old, it'd be great if you'd go back to doing that.  I love you too, but pleading for me to get you out of bed at 3 a.m. only serves to make us argue, and you don't seem to be big on logic right now.  So, mostly, you're just making me feel crazy for trying to reason with you.  I'm working on the whole patience thing, but I'm just going to be honest with you and let you know that I'm not even trying between the hours of midnight and 7 a.m.  Therefore, I cannot be held responsible for any tantrums that occur between those hours due to your insistence that I get out of bed.

Lastly, it's sweet that you like to share, but stop asking me for cheese and then giving it directly to the dogs.  You see, I'd just stop giving you cheese, but I have that mommy-fear that you aren't eating enough.  Denying you food when you actually ask for it just isn't an option.  So, just eat the cheese.  

I ask all of this with a big please, and you know the only response to that in our house is "O-kay!" since you're the one who made that rule.

Love, 

Mom