I went to the Twilight Zone

I'm afraid this is going to come off as me being all "look at me!" but I'm honestly just telling you a story that I find so weird it's funny.

Jimmy and I decided we wanted pot roast for dinner last night way too late to actually make pot roast.

Unbeknownst to me, Twin Peaks has killer pot roast.  Of course Jimmy knew because he's male.

Anyway, we settled (actually, he sort of insisted) on Twin Peaks, and I was elected to go pick up dinner.

Me: "I'm going to feel funny waddling into that place all pregnant."
Jimmy: "If you get hit on, tell them I'll kill them."
Me: *laughs hysterically as I'm 8.5 months pregnant* "yeah, I don't see anyone hitting on me over the 22 year old half naked chicks with flat stomachs, but I appreciate the vote of confidence."
Jimmy: "Oh, I do."

And I went on about my day thinking it was adorable that he was either delusional or hell bent on making me feel good about myself in my whaleish state.

I got to Twin Peaks and tried to get the hostess to grab my order and take my money because really five feet into the place was enough to make me feel self-conscious, but she insisted I go to the bar.  Fun!

I waddled over to the bar where all of the occupied barstools were filled with males drinking beer and ogling the half-naked woman behind the bar.  All was as I expected.  I found an empty spot at the bar and stood waiting patiently to be acknowledged.

The half naked woman walked past me twice without acknowledging me.  I sighed audibly attracting the attention of the man to my right.

And then the man to my right nodded to the barstool next to him and said, "you can sit down here by me if you want" and winked at me.  It most definitely came across as him hitting on me/being a decidedly skeevy person.

All I could think was, Is this really happening? I mean how long must a person drink before he either doesn't notice a woman is five minutes from giving birth or doesn't care?  Also, I sport a black titanium wedding band on my left ring finger to cover up an ill-advised tattoo.  (But then I already know from experience that some people care absolutely nothing about other people's relationships.)

I mentioned back in October that I got hit on at the fair.  But I was barely showing, and the guy was working at a food stand and I'm very short so it is very likely couldn't see my stomach.  I'm not a gal who gets hit on very often, so that was actually kind of flattering.

This was not flattering.  It was just bizarre and made me concerned for humanity as a whole.  All I knew to do was look at him like he was a lunatic and go back to searching for a club to whack over the bartender's head so I could get her attention, get my food, and get the hell out of there.

The bartender walked past me two more times before I got fed up with the whole situation.  (And I have no idea where she was walking to and from because I never saw her take an order or a payment or provide a drink.  Just aimless meandering.)

Finally, I yelled "Hey!" and then coated my face in a syrupy smile.  I'm not lying to you when I say she looked startled by the fact that I was standing there in the same spot I had been for at least a good, solid five minutes.  She smiled sweetly, "hi.  Do you have a to go order?" like she had not walked past me a bajillion times.  I literally think she has trained herself to not see women.  


What I had expected to happen was that I would not attract one passing glance from a single male in the place and that the women working there would be amused by me but courteous and professional and possibly even feel sorry for me and get me in and out of there quickly.

Nothing was as it should have been in that place.

There is only one possible explanation.  Twin Peaks is the twilight zone.  But they really do have good pot roast.