Learning through my little one

There are certain things that having a daughter is teaching me.

If I were to describe my body, I'd call myself "solid".  My legs are thick and muscular - some might say I have "thunder thighs".

Back when I was a teenager and on into my early twenties, I hated my build.  I wanted to be tall and thin - not short and stocky.  I'd do all kinds of exercises targeted at turning my thick legs into long, willowy limbs - not quite understanding that no matter how many leg lifts I did, my legs were never going to grow six inches in length or shrink six inches in circumference. 

Vivs seems to be headed in the same direction as my mother and me.  Jimmy says aloud constantly that he hopes she is built like me because he thinks it is beautiful.  That says something to me about the fact that he means it.  If you're wishing it on your child, it means you truly mean it.

And I have come to realize that I think it's beautiful too.  

When I was talking to Vivian the other day - as I do so often because she loves to be talked to - I told her, "baby, I think you are going to be built like your momma and your Nana.  And when people tell you that you are beautiful, you believe them because you truly are and always will be."

It's one thing to say this to my daughter, but in order to truly teach her to love herself, I have to live it.  Sure, I can watch what I say and not tear myself down in front of my children.  But it means nothing if I tear myself down to my friends when my kids aren't around.  It means I'm not taking the steps to live the example that I want my children to see.

Recently I bought a swimsuit.  It's a retro style bikini that covers up my scarred tummy but is a two piece swimsuit nonetheless.  When I got it in the mail, I took a picture of myself in it and sent it to my bridesmaids to show them.  I took a good long at myself in the picture and thought, you know what, this is who I am, and it's okay.

I'm trying to learn that it's okay to just be who I am.  I watch people of all shapes and sizes at the pool.  Some far smaller than me and some far larger than me.  Some are younger, older, taller, shorter (well, not many, but some).  There are people there from all walks of life hanging out and having fun with their families in their swimsuits.  Never, not once, have I looked at anyone at that pool and thought anything negative of them because of the way God made them.  I can honestly say that.  I can almost always find the beauty in different shapes and sizes and colors and religions and beliefs.  It's something I pride myself in.

So, if that is the way I want to view the world and the way I want my children to view the world, I have to start with me.  It's not just okay that I am built the way that I am - it's beautiful.  I've realized this because my daughter is quite clearly going to be built like me, and she is perfect, and I will go scary momma bear on anyone who dares to say otherwise.

Having boys taught me a lot about the world that I didn't know because there is no way I could ever have known because, duh, I'm a female.  

Having a daughter is teaching me lessons about being a female who loves herself.  Even though she hasn't waded into her own self image journey just yet, I appreciate her so much for what she is teaching me about how to prepare her for it, and I pray I am able to set a good example and teach her to love herself exactly as she is.

Having a daughter is truly incredible, and I am so thankful for mine.