Skinny Bitches Persist

I'm not sure whether or not I've made it abundantly clear on this blog that I'm really, super lazy. However, I have certainly not made it abundantly clear to my closest friend in Dallas.

Last week, she begged me to join a gym with her. Now, I know I need to go to the gym, and I actually do enjoy working out once I get started, and she and I used to work out together. (I was once in very good shape and worked out daily. There are photos somewhere to prove it.) However, I'm in one of those, I'd-really-rather-just-be-fat-and-eat-junk-and-watch-tv-than-make-an-effort phases, and I have made her well aware of that fact. So, I politely declined. She begged some more, and I told her I'd think about it. Then, I promptly filed the request in the place in my brain normally reserved for repressed memories and got on with watching Hulu.

Today, she text me telling me how she'd blown her diet (she shouldn't be dieting). I was replying with something super-witty (of course) and was interrupted by her follow-up text. "Do you want to go jogging with me tonight?" My jaw dropped, my brow wrinkled, and I erased my witty reply. She may as well have asked, "Can I subject you to torturous 105 degree heat and humidity, sear your lungs, and cause you heart failure?" I didn't even make up an excuse. I just responded, "No. I don't jog. You knew the answer to that before you asked."

Now, none of this makes me look very good, but it made me realize that I had left something out of the Skinny Bitches post (this friend is a skinny bitch. I love her very much, but she is, and I've told her to her face, so I can tell you too.) That is: don't torture your friends by continuing to invite them to sweat and making them tell you "no" 411 times when you know they'd rather spend their evening curled up with a bag of chips and a good book even if you do have their best interest at heart. Just let them be lazy without having to acknowledge it.