What's in a name?

I have had both a boy and girl name picked out for every one of my children prior to finding out the gender.

Originally, Silas was supposed to be named Gavin.  That was the boy name Michael and I had picked out when I was pregnant with Anabel.  My mom was thrilled because my sister (who passed away in 2007) had planned to name a boy Gavin if she ever had one.  When I decided to change the name to Silas (which is Silas' great-grandfather's name and the person Michael most looked up to as a child), she was seriously bummed.  (I originally said I'd name a second boy Silas, but I never in a million years thought I'd have 2 boys and thought I had better use this incredible name while I had the chance - ha!)

I promised my mom that if I had another boy (which I knew I never would), his name would be Gavin.

So, when the doctor announced to me that Gavin was a boy, I knew I had to keep my word.  He'd be named Gavin just like I had  promised (his name would totally be Jasper if I had my way, and I am apparently the only person on the planet who likes the name, so maybe good on Nana).

So, two boys.  Both named what they are for reasons of significance.  

Jimmy and I have names picked out for Baby C as well.  Our boy name is Judson.  There is no real meaning behind it.  We just like the name.  

Our girl name is Vivian.  

Vivian is Jimmy's grandmother and one of the only people he talks about from his childhood who causes him to light up.  His memories of her are adorable, and it makes me so happy to hear the stories he tells about spending time with her.  It reminds me of all of the time I spent with my own grandmother.  I love the name Vivian.  I think it is beautiful and fitting for both a baby and a grown woman.  The first time he told me his grandmother's name, I thought, that is my girl name if he and I ever have a girl.

Friday afternoon, I plugged my phone into my charger in the back of my house.  I had had it next to me all day waiting for the email from my doctor telling me the remaining test results and the gender, but it was 5 o'clock, and I figured the office had shut down for the day.

In the time it took me to walk from my bedroom to the living room and back, I missed a call.

When I listened to the voicemail and heard that it was my OB, my heart skipped a beat.  But mostly because I forgot all about the gender and remembered that she had said she'd only call me if something was wrong with the genetic tests.  Otherwise I was supposed to expect an email.  

I stood breathless in my kitchen listening intently for her to tell me about the test results.  The chaos of my perfectly healthy children swirling around me suddenly faded into the background.  And this is what I heard:

"Hi, Michelle.  This is your doctor.  We received the test results back.  Um.......let's see.  Looks like all the tests were negative (they tested for down syndrome, edwards syndrome, etc).  Everything is normal.  (TEARS to my eyes because I was so relieved).  I also have the gender here.  I see in your chart that you said you want to know, but I don't want to leave it on your voicemail.  I'll be in the office Monday morning if you still want to know.  Have a nice weekend."

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute, doc.  Firstly, don't tell me you'll only call if there is a problem and then call when there isn't.  You nearly scared me to death.  Secondly, really?! On a Friday afternoon you tell me that the gender of my baby has been determined, but I still have to wait all weekend?!

Jimmy and I didn't really discuss anything except our relief over our normal test results.  We spent our kid-free weekend watching movies and hanging out with each other having fun.  

Last night, all I dreamed about was calling my doctor.  Every time I got up with Gavin or to use the bathroom, I was waking up from a dream about trying to get in touch with my doctor.

This morning, I called the doctor's office the second they were open.  When I asked for my doctor, I was told she was not there but that the receptionist would see if she could track down the M.A.

I waited.  Impatiently.  The chaos of my other two children swirling around me and Doc Mcstuffins blaring in the background.

"Hello?  How can I help you?"  and I explained my situation and politely ask if I could conference in my boyfriend.  I conferenced him in.  (Very thankful that he was able to answer because he was at work, and we so badly wanted to hear this together.)  I buckled the boys into their carseats to head off and start our day and listened to her tap away on the computer.

The nurse went over the test results we have already been told are normal (they were still normal).  "Let's see, the gender.  Oh, here it is:

It's a girl."

All you could hear was Jimmy and me freaking out with happiness (because we have 3 boys between us already, and we were both really hoping for a girl).  The nurse giggled and told us congratulations and to have a nice day.

Every fiber of my being was screaming to me that this baby was a girl, but I was so afraid to get my hopes up and then have them dashed.  Believe me when I say that I would have been more than happy to have had 3 healthy, happy little boys.  I love having boys.  They are the sweetest, most adorable creatures in the world.

But, frankly, I have 2 of them, and I need a little bit of pink in my life!

So, I cannot wait to meet little Vivian.  And deck her out in pink and ribbons and bows until she gets old enough to reveal to me that she is totally a tomboy (because obviously that will happen with 2 older brothers), "ew, mom, no pink!"  But for now, sugar and spice and everything PINK!